Showing up

“God does not ask your ability, nor your inability. God only asks your availability”

~ Mary Kay Ash
founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics

80 per cent of success is just showing up

It was  Woody Allen  who said “80 per cent of success is just showing up“.

Over the years I have had many ‘almost appointments’ – appointments where a potential client wants help with their problem but as soon as it comes to booking a time, those  fearful words: “I’ll look at my diary and get back to you” are uttered and of course, I know that they won’t (Yet!)

However, they should be congratulated on taking a first step towards confronting their fear – because that is what it is and fear as Neale Donald Walshe says is

False Evidence Appearing Real

The tragedy is that by not  showing up wherever the things that confront you, deprives you off an experience that is no where near as scary as you may think and if I get to play with you ( FUN! When I say Play I mean play time ) we are going to have fun!

 

But Real joy comes when Fear turns to Fascination!DSC01073

We all have Fear of some description. It is part of survival and shouldn’t be taken lightly!

However, Just  showing up in the place of fear, as opposed to confronting fear allow for easy and effortless and permanent changes to happen.

Clearly work has to be done but it is how it is done that is the most important element of all. Lets try ….

FUN!

 

There are common fears, such as the fear of Public Speaking, the fear of Heights, the fear of Snakes, the fear of SpidersDSC01030

There are many ways to dispel fear. The most famous is the  Fast Phobia Cure which can be used to combat simple fears also.
It is painless and usually very amusing to the client – basically we re-programme how they use the information that they receive from their senses. 
There are a number of versions but generally it works like this:

Get person to imagine being in a cinema
Ask them to vividly imagine everything they can about going to the cinema – the sights, sounds, smells… is the smell of popcorn coming to you, right now? … feelings, tastes … still thinking of popcorn, by any chance?
Remember as a child, being excited about going to the cinema … can you remember one now?

(  Did you notice that question was actually a statement – a command. We are cranking up the senses. There’s good stuff to come! )

Get person to imagine taking seat in the cinema – “notice how it feels, notice the sounds and the smells and the other people” etc. etc.

( crank up the senses even more because there is great stuff to come! )

“Notice how you feel. Warm, cosy, excited … Can’t wait for the movie to start! … and just notice how safe you are! … Can’t wait for the movie to start … Bet you are feeling really excited right now!

( note the command )

”Now look at the screen and imagine your self back at the time when you were first scared DSC00054of a spider”…  Right here, right now, You’re perfectly safe ….
Imagine yourself in the movie and notice how safe you are … Play the movie forwards to the end and notice how safe you were at the end of the movie just like you were safe at the beginning Just like you are now!

“Now play the movie backwards, things always look funny when they run backwards, just like the old movies.
Play the movie forwards again … and backwards … and forwards … and backwards”

( I love pushing this exercise almost to the limit, repeating until I hear a laugh or a giggle or at least see a smile )

Hold on! I’ve got some great music for our movie!”

I reach for my iPod, plug in into my speakers. Find Yakety Sax by Boots Randolph– The theme tune of The Benny Hill Show.

“Imagine floating out of your seat into the screen so you are in the movie nowNotice how safe you are

( the commands flow quicker and more often – “You are Safe!”)

I grab my remote and issue the command “Play the movie Forwards!”
I hit play – the music starts
I hit pause – “Stop! Quick run the movie backwards!” I hit play
I hit pause …  “Stop! Play it forwards”
I hit play … “Stop!” … I hit pause
”Backwards! Quickly!” … I hit play
”STOP!” … I hit pause
”FORWARDS! QUICKLY!”
I hit play
“Backwards” .. “forwards” .. “backwards” .. “forwards” …
allowing less and less time for the movie to run. By this stage they will be running the movie at double speed if not quicker!

“NOW! Float out of the movie back to your seat and run the movie” … I play the
music …
“NOW! Backwards! Watch yourself in the movie” “Forwards Watch yourself”
“Backwards. Watch yourself!” ……. etc etc

“AND float out of you seat into the projectionist room” … “You are the projectionist” …
“Start the movie” … “Run it backwards Watch yourself watching yourself” … “Forwards Watch yourself watching yourself”
Watch yourself watching the movie!
”Backwards”
… “Forwards” … “Watch yourself” … “backwards” … “forwards” … “Keep watching yourself!”

( By this stage I’m usually laughing, they are usually laughing and my thumb hurts! )

“Backwards” .,. “Forwards” … “NOW! Float back to your seat!”
”Play it backwards”
… “forwards” … “backwards” … “forwards” etc etc …. “AND STOP!”

I kill the music … there is silence … “How do you feel?”

Whilst the whole process has gone on, every time I’ve seen a smile of heard a laugh I have touched the client on the arm or shoulder, somewhere that is not intrusive, anchoring the good feeling and at the same time laughed or made a comedic noise.

At this stage just by making the comedic noise I can usually invoke a smile or laugh at will.

The brain cannot run fear and laugh at the same time successfully  – I know the job is done when the client wants to go find a spider and that happened more than once!

So, How are you feeling now? Did you take yourself through the process?

Just show up!

your senses probably gave you some false evidence

 

images AyPeeCo and talkbackthames.tv

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9 thoughts on “Showing up

  1. I WAS smiling till I got to the photo of that spider… brr… still have goose bumps! :) Probably did not do the exercise properly…
    TY for the reminder about “80% is just showing up!”. It is so true.

  2. Just show up! What a true expression. I was just wondering how many times we have listened in life “I will call you…………..” and that person never show up agian? Was this what you mentionned about F.E.A.R.? Interesting I loved the F.E.A.R explanation since it makes sense

    Esther Coronel de Iberkleid
    Life Changing Coach
    “Transforming your Life from the first Session”
    http://about.me/EstherCoroneldeIberkleid

  3. Excellent advice about fear vs confrontation. Showing up is half of it and as G.I. Joe taught me as a kid, “Knowing is half the battle.” Put the two together and you are on a better path to better habits. Great post AyPee.

  4. Thanks Nakeva
    I like that! I am off to investigate more of GI Joe.

    Always interested in using as many angles as I can in NLP
    Appreciate your comment

  5. One of the best ways to fight fear is to take action. Showing up has to be first :~)
    BTW, I love snakes- all except the ones that crawl into your sleeping bag at night!

    • Thanks for commenting Robin
      I come from the school of whatever you resist will persist.

      For me it is all about re-framing and desensitising so I don’t advocate fighting
      However, I have been know to scrap on behalf of my client, BUT they don’t know and I trust you not to tell them :-D
      AyPee

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