Something and Nothing

My FB Friend Mott posted a great picture today!

TEMP

and as you can see, I couldn’t resist adding something!

Nothing really is everything and everything consists of nothing

It only becomes something once we make it into Something by adding a meaning or a logic or a thought and that is where the trouble can start.
When no..thing means some..thing it can change lives for good and from my experience, largely bad.

People kill to maintain their beliefs and values (that’s something constructed out of nothing)
People kill at the behest of governments or religion or corporations, to maintain their beliefs, values and missions (that’s something else that’s been constructed)
People can suffer, in particular Children, because people add meanings to events and situations (there’s something mean there)

When I coach and even when I am teaching NLP, I spend a lot of time dealing with peoples’ something and converting it into something else and even nothing if I can get that far.
Actually all along, it wasn’t really any..thing until it got processed by them in the past and in the moment of now has become some..thing significant.

Right here and right now (AKA ‘the present’ , which is both Immeasurably small and infinitely large at the same time)  ‘Nothing’ is going on .
Nothing is everything everywhere until we fix it as something at a point in time.

Is there something bothering you from your past?

My advice:
leave it alone. Treat it as nothing and enjoy your journey

Help others create better things or no..thing at all out of their somethings

#JustSayin’

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Can we let this lie?

I was interested to read articles on the BBC News websiteYahoo, and watch a BBC TV News story about diminishing Integrity, in the UK.

The Essex Centre for the Study of Integrity, at Essex University, have carried out a research and there is a PDF, available for download from their web site There is also an Integrity test that you can take and you can find this at essex.ac.uk/government/research/integrity_test.pdf

integrityThe study includes comparisons :
by Social Background,   by Occupational Status,   by Age Group,   how standards have changed between 2000 and 2011 and   measurements for 20 European Countries, from Russia the most honest to Portugal ….. naughty naughty!

     The UK seems to rank 14th … oh dear!

It seems that we are telling lies more and that the standards under which we lie are changing – I guess 

like everything else, it seems to be getting easier to do and yet more complicated to manage.

Coaching the truth

One of the principles that are vital to any form of coaching or mentoring is integrity and telling the truth is part of that. It is not only an auditory activity, it has to show up in all the other senses and be demonstrated physically – I can’t coach you to tell the truth whilst driving you to a restaurant at 50 miles per hours in a 30MPH zone! That would place me out of integrity.

     So I have to BE in integrity as well as speak in integrity.

But there is a stage before that can happen and it is not just gaining rapport. 
I would call it ‘the set up’ or even ‘the mechanics’.

     It’s agreement.

Agreeing a platform or foundation or method where you can tell the truth, even if the other person doesn’t want to hear it!
For me establishing the fact that “there is only here and now” and that “all reasons are made up” seems to work nicely. I take away as much reason as I can so I can to establish a basis of nothing from which we can create.

So that I am in integrity, I have to tell you now, that this is based on the work of Landmark Education, who started my quest for truth and I don’t mean in a traditional spiritual sense. I am not seeking truth, rather living it to the best of my ability, which means that I will slip from time to time and that’s OK.

Rapport

Yes, I would have to gain rapport before I could tell someone a truth they may not wish to hear but I can do that quickly by physically using my head  – i.e. copying their head movements as I meet and greet and then get more involved in conversation with the person I am with – I describe to this in my blog post: “The Heads up on Rapport” 

But the principle is simple:

Lies Leak!

Physically, your body will react and convey that you are telling a lie. If someone is telling us a lie, unconsciously we pick up. It bothers us and we rationally calculate whether we are being told a lie or not, even though our body seems to scream to us that we are.
I talk about this in another blog post: That’s a Lie!

You Gotta Lie Right, right?

Unfortunately, in order to recognise the truth, we have to have a measure of what that looks like, feels like, sounds like, maybe even smells like – Can you smell a rat, here?
Which means we have to know what a lie is.

Without the comparison, the truth would have no meaning or value, so as I say: “I will slip from time to time and that’s OK”.

Its OK because it reinforces what the Truth is.
Notice too that I may slip and that I am not consciously telling lies.

Children live in their imaginations where it is all made up and yet I have known children being chastised for lying when actually they were exercising their imagination. The adult interprets the child’s behaviour as lying and now the child has to live a lie in order to satisfy the adult’s perception of the truth.

I also know of one famous Golf Pro, who avidly denied that he ever sliced the ball even though he did. His failure to acknowledge the fact was an instruction to his brain not to process the that he sliced the ball and therefore removed the brain’s attraction to slice the ball.

     Our brains attract to us what we talk about in our internal dialogue.

The difference is whether the lie is conscious or unconscious and the real driver is not whether something is Good, Bad, Right or Wrong or even any combination of those, rather to follow what is intended by the agreement (or rules if they exist) and do what works.

So for me to access the truth and build on it:

  • Elicit rapport
  • Get agreement
  • Set intention
  • Be integral
  • Remove reason
  • Change language
  • Explore unconscious
  • Become conscious
  • Iterate until job done

     and that’s the truth!!!

     Should you lie? No! It’s not Wrong, it just doesn’t work and it leaks!

images various sources

Stor: ies / eys / ed ties

It’s all a story!

Sometimes words just show up and I find myself playing with them.
I try to break them, reconstruct them, see what else I can do with them, look for the ambiguity in them ………… and always have fun with them …. to see where my logic takes me.

As a child, I was fortunate enough to have had parents that told me stories at bedtime and  on occasions during the day, stimulating my imagination and creating my reality. Kids just play and what they do is live out what adults would call Unreal situations in a very real way.

I decided about 11 years ago that Santa Claus is real and I am looking forward to him visiting my house again this year – this may be a problem since I haven’t been good this year but when I’m bad, I am probably at my best!  ;-D
and
I don’t think it helped, when I said a few years back: “I don’t care who you are! You are not parking that thing here!”

So what about stories?

STORIES ARE EVERYWHERE
ALL THE TIME

Newspapers carry stories. TV News present stories. Theatres play stories. The film industry makes millions from creating and selling stories. Authors.. painters …artists… gift their stories to the world.
When we communicate with each other we tell a story as soon as we can get it into the conversation, to  illustrate what we are saying. Yeah Right! We probably just can’t help ourselves; we are compelled to do it.

Social media is full of stories and most technology is there to support the creation and telling of stories.

So, what’s the story?

My Life Is A Story
(and so is yours)

a simple story developed by stacking stories on top of stories into storeys and the dangerous thing is when the simple story becomes a stored tie. We can get tied into a story that we constructed and then fix our reality to it, losing the flexibility of the imaginative child, that we always were and will probably always be.

Personally, I believe we are designed to forget contrary to the view of a good friend of mine, who believes we are designed to remember.Young couple sitting on sofa and dreaming That’s one entity with 2 perspectives or at least that’s my story.

The great thing about stories is that they are all made up and if your life is a story and you made it up, then you can make up what you like from NOW on.  We all do it anyway.

Take, as an example 2 old boys in the pub (actually my mate Rob and I. We are both young sexagenarians and we have known each other for 50 years) recalling the time that we went to The Alexandra Palace ‘Love In’ :

Do you remember going the Ally Pally ‘Love-in’ in Pat’s Austin Westminster?

We didn’t, we took the train!

We can’t of done! We went to Waterloo Station first and drove up to Wood Green.

That wasn’t Waterloo! That was Charing Cross and we caught the tube!

Same event, 2 different stories. The point being,  because the detail gets forgotten, the story won’t run and each of us has plugged the gaps with our own detail so the story can run – we have Confabulated

According to Miriam Webster Free Dictionary:

“Fabricate imaginary experiences as compensation for loss of memory”

So, here’s the deal:

Since all (life) stories are based on PAST events, we have to recall them and actually recreate them NOW. The detail, or lack of it, is stored in different areas of our brain and we have to pull it all together to be able to present it as fact …… which it isn’t,  since we will probably have confabulated so that the construction can be complete.

It’s not what happened. It is the story of what happened – a sensual representation of events. We would have deleted, distorted and generalised our experience.
If I were to tell you my life story in full detail, it would take more than 61 years to tell. Before  I would have finished I would have died and you would be bored witless!!
So, as a matter of course, I have to delete, distort and generalise.

You can hold great store by that

“Create your own adventure because experience is all that there is” Ⓒ ~ Arthur Partridge AyPeeCo

Look to The Past to See The Future

Someone was asking at quoteland.com, who said “Look to the past to See the Future”?

I don’t know the answer but what struck me is how many people believe that statement to be true.

image_thumb3[1]The statement can not be true because it pre supposes that by looking at the past will let us see the future. We cant see unless we get some magical spectacles and since we can’t go to the past, we will never get to try on the wonder glasses anyway!

dr-phil[1]Dr Phil McGraw says “The past is the best predictor we have for the future”, which is probably closer to the truth but personally I do not believe the past predicts the future at all! What it does for the future, is to provide experience and resources that can be used to influence the present moment. It is what we DO NOW that impacts on, if not creates, the future.

In my own personal coaching model, I disassociate my clients from their pasts, so that it is complete and cannot get in the way of the future that they want to create.
More accurately, I like to separate them from their story ……
……“I mess everything up” …… “No! You messed things up. You have absolutely no proof that you mess EVERYTHING up!”
…… “I can’t stop doing it” …… “No! You didn’t stop doing it. That doesn’t mean that you can’t stop. DOES IT? You’re not doing it right now, are you?  By the way, why did you do it, then?”
……

image49[1]In my blog post ‘While You Sleep, Your Brain Keeps Working’, posted on 17th September, John M Grohol, reports that “the brain seems to decide what is important to remember and what is not—and a detailed memory evolves into something more like a story”

So let’s put the past where it belongs ……
…… it does not belong in the present and it does not belong in the future. The main reason it doesn’t exist in the future is that the Future DOES NOT EXIST and never has done and the reason that it does not exist in the Past is that DOES NOT EXIST either and also never has done

It is always now and always will be.
What you DO NOW will help determine the future. More importantly,
how you ARE NOW will determine what you do now

Further References

Remember – Create your own adventure because experience is all that there is!

Yesterday, I got re-Mind-ed.

We are clearly designed to forget; because we always do!
And what a pleasure it is to remember and to be able to confabulate.

So I remembered……
..there is Only Here
..there is Only Now
..to be in the Best possible Emotional State for no reason
..and not to Do Stuff.

..Always Create stuff and do it for absolutely no reason.

In that space my state will magnetically attract what I need.

I was very moved this morning, about how powerful I can be when I am in an optimum emotional state of my own choosing and how fortunate I am to be able to do that…….
….all that remains is to tell the rest of the world. The impact would transform it since all problems and conflicts arise from the past.

All upset, be it personal, in a team, in community, regional, national or international comes from the past.

Right here, right now is the opportunity to create anything.
Create your own adventure because experience is all that there is!